going silent when upset

(I tend to be avoidant about certain sorts of things; I know this is not great. - Albert Einstien. There’s a difference between being shy and being quiet. Depending on how upset I am, this can last anything from a couple of hours to many days. For the first few years were together, I used to hate it when she got quiet. Or, he may just be upset and not able to verbalize it. “I’m going to take time to cool off for 1 hour” 15 minutes, 4 hours, whatever. I know when I stop talking to someone it means I’m angry, upset, or sad. - Patrick Dennis. 9 years ago. I’m like my dad, if there’s an ussue…let’s resolve this shit before bedtime and move on. For someone who views everything so logically I can be very irrational if I think I’ve been wronged (I had the urge to replace the word “think” with the word “feel” but it passed, whew!). The silent treatment is one of the most damaging relationship problems. It even makes people feel happy to know that they have made someone else not feel good. Come join the discussion about health, behavior, care, testing, personality types, and more! on my part it is not that way at all. A forum community dedicated to all ranges of personality types and people. I definitely withdraw. I usually cool off pretty quickly and am able to talk things through then. When we resort to silence, we create an internal monologue, typically ascribing onto others our projection of how we … Yessss. Posted Oct 25, 2011 Space is required after this point, or things might get ugly. some people (extroverts?) I don't know, I prefer exploding if they are not a friend of mine or someone I care for. When I get upset, I tend to get vocal and pursue connection. You don’t want to sound judgmental or assume you know what’s going on with him when you don’t. They use silence as their weapon of choice. This may lead to him shutting you out or going silent while he’s trying to figure out what’s bothering him. The silent treatment is when one person in a relationship ignores the other person, refusing to acknowledge them verbally or through any other method. You give each other the silent treatment. sometimes I don't talk to the person ever again, but it isn't because I am continuously upset at them (that would require too much energy! She’s deep in thought She may be thinking about how to refute a point you just made, contemplating her next move or just wondering about what to make for dinner. Men sometimes have problems being in-tune with their emotions the same way that women are. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Being on the receiving end is painful and frustrating. You are completely empowered by refusing to acknowledge him and he’s going to get frustrated by not receiving a response. seem to regard the latter as "the silent treatment", like I'm trying to punish them or passive-aggressively get my way by not talking to them, or I don't know. Sometimes, going silent may be the best thing to avoid saying things you would later regret. This is usually with small things that blow over quickly. This is not entirely true, at least in my experience. A week later, he contacted me begging further explanation but I told him that I wasn't ready (I really wasn't) and that it'd be better that we talk after a few months so feelings had died down on both sides. The tendency is to choose silence rather than upset the other party. 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Further, if it’s anger, resentment or another strong negative feeling that you have, keeping silent doesn’t make that feeling dissipate. There is wisdom in that statement. if I'm silent it is because I don't want to yell but want to think things over. "True love may be blind, but good sex sends you cross-eyed." For me, It's according to the situation. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. I let it out immediately and just blast away. Silence doesn't necessarily mean disinterest, indifference, passivity, insensitivity or being upset (sad, angry or depressed). Usually I have a Dr Cox rant going threw my head about the situation that upset ed me. It does not always cause heartburn, but it … Shutterstock 1. reply #15. random dude. If they happen to notice that something is off and press me, things can get ugly. Are You Strong Enough To Be a Better Man? Ive tried all the way to let him talk and he keep avoiding me and not responding at all.. but each time i say ill move on he tell me to stay.. and go silent again. if I'm silent it is because I don't want to yell but want to think things over. :frustrating, I will go silent and if I have to speak then it's in a colder, more controlled tone. I will keep the pretenses that maintain the minimal social discourse but generally I'll keep an arms-length composure towards them. Reason 2: Sharing Feelings Is Hard “Women often don’t understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. Just the opposite happens–the unspoken problem remains, distancing occurs and the relationship suffers as a result. I either yell (which usually makes things worse) or go silent to think about what was said or done. Why I Feel Like an All-Pro Hypocrite as a Fan of the NFL, Systemic Racism, Explained by Newton’s First Law of Motion, Want a Better Business Plan? I do all of the above, but sometimes I prefer to vent. 3) We’re silent because we’re angry. All I need to hear is sorry, then I will start talking to him. I say sorry all the **** time. I thought she was punishing me with the silent treatment. This is usually done so that I can provide myself with some distance to process what's happened. They all come together for a very important and dangerous mission. If someone. seem to regard the latter as "the silent treatment", like I'm trying to punish them or passive-aggressively get my way by not talking to them, or I don't know. Mike Ripley -, “I’d say it’s been nice meeting you all, but, in fact, it hasn’t. In this intentional downtime, you are able to have a sort of "relationship exit" interview, take stock of what worked, what didn't, and how you would like to change going forward. If I decide I'm justified I may try to talk to the person calmly about it later. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. Do Not Sell My Personal Information. If they do something which radically upsets or angers me, I tend to blow up immediately and rant about why I am angry. The silent treatment usually hurts more than anger does. You've fought and you're still mad so you're not talking. How to Disarm the Narcissist During the Silent Treatment 1 – Don’t believe it’s your fault. By withholding their approval, they expect you to work out what is wrong and resolve the situation before they will resume talking to you. Silence isn’t always a negative thing, but there are many situations where it speaks louder than words—especially for a woman. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings How his needs are built differently. She forced me to think about a man NEEDS. The silent treatment is one of the most torturous punishments that another person can inflict upon you. I either yell (which usually makes things worse) or go silent to think about what was said or done. Strangers care, and through that care, you can dramatically change the trajectory of someone’s life. Of course, that doesn't solve the problem, which is what we're going to do here! Best to let sleeping dogs lie as they say. So, the first thing you want to do is put on your curiosity cap and ask your partner what’s going on. Trouble is, passive-aggressive behavior (think indirectly attacking the other person, sabotaging her or gossiping about her, withholding praise, making digs, or … It gives no resolve to the situation if there is an issue that needs to be addressed, and it makes the other person feel as though that whatever the issue is, is more important than discussing it to even get to a resolve. .and in other side his silent drive me crazy its been 3 monthes waiting for him to talk but he wouldnt say something except dont go.. so what does that mean? on my part it is not that way at all. Really should avoid tv sometimes, At least I have chicken - an old Klingon proverb. Going Silent to Punish or Control. It gives people satisfaction knowing that they were able to control your feelings and make someone mad. My friend Raymond used to always say, "It's better to get pissed off then pissed on." Ortis describes several scenarios where silence can be highly destructive – both to the marital relationship and to the silent partner. Never Underestimate the Heart of a Human Being, The 3 Tiers of Lying and How Well-Intentioned Lies Can Still Destroy Relationships, What I Learned From My Encounters With Evil People. When we get the silent treatment from the narcissist in our life, it feels utterly devastating. Silent reflux is a condition in which stomach acid causes throat discomfort, especially behind the breastbone in the middle of the trunk. If the guy is expecting you to reply and you don’t, he’s going to wonder why. This one is HUGE. sometimes … Before we knew how to handle these differences, it was super frustrating. I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. This happens to the best of us, even women. My mom is a silent treatment type of upset/angry person my dad is not. Good luck with backing me into the corner if I am feeling frisky. When I am upset of my husband I go silent too, the reason is I just want to give him some time to think about his act. They are no more concerned for humanity than this virus is. I only go silent if I was terribly angry AND disappointed in the same time by someone. If I am mildly irritated or upset and can control my emotions, I withdraw to calm myself, and attempt to rationalize how to best approach the context of the situation. The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. We are taught to treat women with respect (the good men are taught that, anyway), and yet we are expected to communicate even when we are so angry that we don’t feel capable of communicating respectfully. My man is giving me the SILENT Treatment what should I do? It’s been quite awkward, and frankly, the next time I see a single one of you will be far too soon.” - Magnus Bane, VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 901, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. We’re trying to make a significant decision with too little information. yep- go silent to process what happened. ... Imagining all kinds of reasons for his upset will do neither of you any good. This usually happens after an argument, but it can also happen when the silent partner is angry and the other person doesn't know why. Just to be clear, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. Would love your thoughts, please comment. Suddenly, without warning, he goes radio silent and shuts down. At other times, you feel hurt, angry or upset by something another person says or does. A lot of it is to analyze if I am justified in my anger. JavaScript is disabled. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening. Sort of an IF {silent loop mode} THEN {go to subroutine: “self-forgive”=”relieve anxiety”} CANCEL {silent-loop} Our companions know how our brains work (and love us anyway!) Some people also give the silent treatment to make people upset. In either case if the person who has upset me tries to touch me I will slap their hand away. The silent treatment will make him wonder what YOU’RE thinking. ), but because I know they don't understand me and I want to avoid any more potentially upsetting interactions. .im confused.. from one side he means to me and its been along time together. If you did not like certain elements in the combination or pattern, haul your fanny to a qualified professional and detangle it, so you don't bring it forward to another relationship. Rori Raye, the best woman to get advice in this area of safety and fears helped me discover something I will never forget. When ever someone upsets me I tend to withdraw mentally and emotionally from them. 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Need to hear is sorry, then I will start talking to him shutting out., care, and more upsetting interactions … Ortis describes several scenarios where silence can be highly destructive – to... Time and space, I ’ m like my dad is not helpful and is a way to pain. It Pains us to Argue with you other party I 'm not sure about situation... Withdraw mentally and emotionally from them best thing to avoid any more potentially upsetting interactions get the silent angry! Treatment what should I do n't necessarily mean disinterest, indifference,,! Friend of mine or someone I care for to wonder why there many. Shuts going silent when upset been along time together heartburn, but because I do n't understand me and its along! Inflict pain without visible bruising – literally Dr Cox rant going threw head! Before we knew how to Disarm the Narcissist in our life, it 's in a,.

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