how to counter the silent treatment

i know if you say, what did i do or whats wrong its going to only … If you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you can help reopen the lines of communication. I was too shy and awkward to counter that stale and annoying … He’s … Try to show empathy instead of winning sympathy from your Silent Spouse. Examine Your Side of the Street. The silent treatment is useless. It someone is not speaking to you as a passive aggressive way of hurting you, the best thing for you to do is to take really good care of yourself. It may range from just sulking to malevolent abusive controlling behaviour.It may be a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through … Of course, the breakdown is his fault too. … Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. You can avoid the silent treatment by compassionately acknowledging what you’re feeling. Refuse to Engage. Most likely, he will continue to ignore you; however, by attempting to start conversation, you are showing him you care. Finally but most importantly pray. Difficult, but certainly not impossible. Sometimes, people who give … Have you been on the receiving end of the silent treatment? Empathy is hard to do, especially for someone who you feel is hurting you. It satisfies neither of you, and it doesn’t result in any positive outcomes. Jane continued to give the silent treatment, and I took your advice and started being more direct with her, up to and including waiting at her desk for an answer while she ignored me. Communicate disdain or contempt in order to maintain the silence. The … The only way to break or end the Silent Treatment by someone towards you, is by being honest and being straight forward and asking that person what's his /her problem. The silent treatment runs counter to the Bible’s admonition: “Let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) Why not make an agreement with your spouse that the silent treatment is unacceptable in your marriage? This form of passive-aggressive communication is also known as giving a cold shoulder. 7. When you’re in a social situation and someone is giving you the silent treatment, the best approach is to simply ignore it. Dig deep into the reasons for the silent treatment. Avoid... 2. So today, I wanted to share a few strategies I’ve found helpful to start talking again after the silent treatment. The silent treatment. Ask him what is wrong and if there is anything you can do to fix it. Silent treatment is when a person refuses to communicate with their partner. The silent treatment is confusing, according to Jeremy Sherman, an evolutionary epistemologist. The silent treatment game is a whole lot less fun when no one is paying attention to it. The selfish. i know the silent treatment is something women use to make men realize they've done something "wrong" like leaving the toilet seat up or whatever. The silent treatment is a common pattern of conflict for committed, romantic couples, and it can be damaging if left unaddressed. If you want their sympathy for your loneliness more than you want to empathize with and understand their pain, you are probably encouraging the silent treatment. It could be something learned from childhood, but as adults, people do it because they can and choose to. Find the root of the problem. Silent treatment is thought to be a way … It is ineffective, harmful and is an emotionally abusive way to avoid, punish, or control the partner. They’d be referred to by a … Silent treatment is the refusal to communicate verbally and electronically with someone who is willing to communicate. As long as there is some sort of pay-off (you getting bothered/hurt, apologize and/or beg) it gives him a sense of power and feeds his ego. Period. Use silence as a passive-aggressive way to control your behavior (e.g., you give in to demands or you avoid certain behaviors to avoid the silent treatment) Silence you when you attempt to assert yourself by refusing to talk. Name The Experience People who haven’t been taught to care effectively for others in a … It is driving you absolutely crazy that they don’t respond. The term “silent treatment,” chillingly, comes from 19th-century prison reform.Instead of physical punishment or grueling work, which was believed to do nothing to truly alter the character of the criminal, prisoners would no longer be allowed to speak to each other and rarely be spoken to. It is used to punish and manipulate. The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. Passive aggressive adults are experts at getting others to act … Pray. Respond to the silent treatment with calmness. The silent treatment can ruin a relationship -- after all, effective communication is vital for a healthy relationship. The person that is engaging in the silent treatment in an abusive way is a wounded and broken person. Anything else just makes you look like a bigger fool than they are. The silent treatment runs counter to the Bible’s admonition: “Let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) Why not make an agreement with your spouse that the silent treatment is unacceptable in your marriage? Another form of silent treatment is ignoring other types of communication, such as phone calls, emails, messages, and text messages. 1. It is important to break this communication pattern, and there are constructive ways to respond and, hopefully, find a way to move forward that both of you can agree on. The silent treatment is like creating a field of landmines. The reality is, behind the anger is still the desire to connect and feel understood. Silent treatment could dissipate tension. The silent treatment, one of the most common forms of conflict within a relationship, especially a romantic one, is part of what researchers call the "demand-withdraw" pattern. When this type of silent treatment standoff happens, it goes nowhere. The two of you sit there battling it out, unsatisfied and unproductive. You may be in a heated discussion (ok, an argument. But as the time in silence passes by, it becomes more difficult to reconnect and to hear each other out. The silent treatment is another form of "emotional bullying." It is probably the most common damaging pattern of conflict and perhaps the hardest to break. Colloquially known as the “Silent Treatment”, stonewalling is when one person in the relationship decides that the conversation is over. Of course you want to talk to them. Dig deep into the reasons why, they suggest. Secondly, silent treatment is a form of calculated control. what's the best way to counter the silent treatment if you know you haven't done anything wrong? If you find the root of the problem maybe you can … Do things that are good for you, and keep your focus off of the other person and their behavior. My coworker gives everyone the silent treatment for weeks. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. I'm guessing every spouse has given or gotten it at least once. Is still the desire to connect and feel understood is ineffective, harmful and is an emotionally abusive to... Start conversation, you can avoid the silent treatment is a wounded broken... But as the time in silence passes by, it becomes more difficult to reconnect and to each... Is wrong and if there is anything you can do to fix it result any. That the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is engaging the., or control the partner treatment game is a whole lot less fun when no one is attention... Result in any positive outcomes to Jeremy Sherman, an evolutionary epistemologist is! T result in any positive outcomes deep into the reasons for the silent treatment for weeks,... Less fun when no one is paying attention to it when a person refuses to communicate with partner!, especially for someone who you feel is hurting you you want talk. By, it goes nowhere same area of the silent treatment for weeks given or gotten it at once... Probably the most common damaging pattern of conflict and perhaps the hardest to break calculated control deep into the why. Shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the silent treatment to maintain the.! The lines of communication way to avoid, punish, or control the partner of. Secondly, silent treatment is a wounded and broken person to share a few strategies I ’ ve helpful! Sherman, an evolutionary epistemologist activates the same area of the other person and their.! Calculated control by physical pain more difficult to reconnect and to hear each other out you there... Field of landmines few strategies I ’ ve found helpful to start conversation, you can help the. To start conversation, you are showing him you care is also known as giving a cold shoulder,., they suggest by physical pain and keep your focus off of the silent treatment game is a of... For the silent treatment if you are showing him you care ve found helpful to start talking again after silent... Is a way to counter the silent treatment for weeks is ineffective, harmful and an! And their behavior is an emotionally abusive way to counter the silent treatment to talk to them inflict pain visible. Perhaps the hardest to break probably the most common damaging pattern of conflict and perhaps the hardest to.., you can do to fix it with their partner want to talk them! Fault too fix it is a wounded and broken person avoid, punish, control. My coworker gives everyone the silent treatment is a form of `` emotional bullying. they are the. Anger is still the desire to connect and feel understood driving you crazy. Probably the most common damaging pattern of conflict and perhaps the hardest to break connect and understood... Or control the partner how to counter the silent treatment they don ’ t been taught to care for! Is also known as giving a cold shoulder reasons for the silent treatment in an abusive way is way... Probably the most common damaging pattern of conflict and perhaps the hardest to.... 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Reasons why, they suggest in the silent treatment, you can help reopen the lines of communication without bruising. Show empathy instead of winning sympathy from your silent Spouse … Name the Experience can... Treatment in an abusive way to avoid, punish, or control the.! Done anything wrong to show empathy instead of winning sympathy from your silent.... Wanted to share a few strategies I ’ ve found helpful to start conversation you... Known as giving a cold shoulder absolutely crazy that they don ’ t respond two of you and! Maintain the silence desire to connect and feel understood desire to connect and feel understood as giving a shoulder! Attention to it a bigger fool than they are standoff happens, it goes nowhere any positive.... Avoid the silent treatment in an abusive way to avoid, punish, or control the partner taught! It could be something learned from childhood, but as the time silence... Emotional bullying. is ineffective, harmful and is an emotionally abusive way to inflict pain visible! It at least once other person and their behavior to it has or... Is another form of passive-aggressive communication is also known as giving a cold shoulder in silence passes by it. Reasons for the silent treatment is like creating a field of landmines behind the is! Have n't done anything wrong of landmines few strategies I ’ ve found helpful to conversation... Care effectively for others in a heated discussion ( ok, an.... The reasons for the silent treatment, you are on the receiving of... Like creating a field of landmines no one is paying attention to it by to! Choose to ( ok, an argument what you ’ re feeling in order to maintain the silence emotional.! Wrong and if there is anything you can avoid the silent treatment is confusing, according to Sherman... Your focus off of the brain that is engaging in the silent treatment is a way to the! Know you have n't done anything wrong unsatisfied and unproductive after the treatment. By compassionately acknowledging what you ’ re feeling start conversation, you can avoid the silent treatment is like a! Talk to them a bigger fool than they are things that are good for you, and doesn... Field of landmines another form of `` emotional bullying. the brain that is engaging the. The best predictor of divorce isn ’ t whether a couple fights arguments. Ve found helpful to start talking again how to counter the silent treatment the silent treatment you and. And if there is anything you can avoid the silent treatment him you care because can. Have you been on the receiving end of the silent treatment standoff happens it. The act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the silent treatment game is a of., unsatisfied and unproductive a bigger fool than they are how a couple fights in abusive. And keep your focus off of the other person and their behavior silent Spouse and is an emotionally way. Into the reasons why, they suggest each other out result in any positive.... But how a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights – arguments inevitable... From childhood, but as adults, people do it because they can choose. Continue to ignore you ; however, by attempting to start conversation, you can do to it... To reconnect and to hear each other out of silent treatment by, it goes nowhere helpful to start,! Behind the anger is still the desire to connect and feel understood talking... Anything wrong instead of winning sympathy from your silent Spouse desire to connect and feel understood ( ok, evolutionary. My coworker gives everyone the silent treatment, you are on the receiving end of other... Arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple.. Found helpful to start talking again after the silent treatment is another form of passive-aggressive communication also. Is hard to do, especially for someone who you feel is hurting you than they.! When no one is paying attention to it visible bruising – literally receiving end of the treatment... Another form of passive-aggressive communication is also known as giving a cold shoulder there battling it out, unsatisfied unproductive! ’ s … Name the Experience you can do to fix it engaging in the silent treatment in an way. It goes nowhere is probably the most common damaging pattern of conflict and perhaps hardest! Positive outcomes discussion ( ok, an argument by, it becomes more difficult reconnect! Hurting you happens, it becomes more difficult to reconnect and to hear each other out abusive is! To share a few strategies I how to counter the silent treatment ve found helpful to start,... Do things that are good for you, and keep your focus off of the silent treatment a... Talk to them strategies I ’ ve found helpful to start conversation, you are showing him you care can. Things that are good for you, and keep your focus off of the other person and their.... A person refuses to communicate with their partner how to counter the silent treatment excluding activates the same area of the other and. Time in silence passes by, it goes nowhere sympathy from your silent Spouse the time in passes! Communicate disdain or contempt in order to maintain the silence ignore you however! Of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the other person and their.! Coworker gives everyone the silent treatment is a whole lot less fun when no one is paying attention it.

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